Do you have that person in your life who pushes every button you have? That person who at the mere mention of their name makes your blood pressure increase? That person you wish you did not have to deal with, but you do? I have that person. That person is my mother in law.
She is such a toxic person. When I first met her, I saw that she was...different. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there was something about her, and not in a good way. Then her son proposed; she seemed to be happy for us. But that something was still there.
Then we had gone to the Christmas Eve service at our church and his mom and sister met us there. When my now-husband had stepped away for a few minutes, leaving me just down the row from his family, his mom whispered something to his sister. Here is the problem: She does not know how to whisper. It is more of a hushed yell. She is a loud whisperer. I heard everything she said. It was not kind. It was hurtful. That was my first glimpse at the true person she is.
That was just the beginning of a very difficult path. There are many things in her life that she does not address, does not deal with. We have been hoping a praying that she would make better decisions. Some of her decisions are horrific. Some of her decisions are dangerous. Except she doesn’t see things for what they are. She has the thickest pair of rose colored glasses. She only sees things when it is convenient for her.
She is also very gifted in the area of manipulation. She has this uncanny ability to get others to see things the way she wants them to, she is a gifted salesperson.
The situations she has created have made it impossible for me to be around her and I feel as though I need to protect my children from her-their own grandmother. After nearly 12 years of dealing with her, I have realized she is who she is. She is not capable of changing.
Here is the important distinction: She is not capable of change. God is capable of changing her; but, she has to recognize the problems and ask him for help. She does not see anything wrong with the way she lives her life. He awaits patiently, willing to help. All she has to do is go to Him.
I have struggled with this. I do not understand why she would not and will not change so that she can be involved with her grandchildren. I feel like I would do whatever I could to ensure being able to be a part of my family. She doesn’t see the problem. She is not capable of change.
She also claims to be a Christian. She puts up the front of doing everything she should: attends church, goes to study group, has committed her life to Christ, so on and so on.
But has she, I wonder? I struggle with this because I feel as though she is just painting a pretty picture so that the church she attends will continue to help her out. She is a gifted salesperson, after all. The church she attends is a larger church in our area and they have been very kind and generous to her in the past. I wonder what they have been told. I wonder what she has shown them.
How is it someone who claims to walk in His light can be deceitful? I have struggled with this for many, many years. It wasn’t until recently that I started to wonder if I am handling the situation the way He would want me to. She has shown me who she is and what she is capable of.
I chose to put distance between us and not be involved. After all, how do you teach your children how to act and expect them to make good choices and know the difference between right and wrong when one of the people they should be able to look up to...won’t.
The fact is, she is not getting any younger and her health is not good. It isn’t fair for my children to miss out on a relationship with a grandparent. But should they be exposed to a potentially dangerous situation?
This situation is one of the topics of my prayers. I pray for guidance in how to proceed. I pray for Him to reveal His will. I pray for healing.
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